Monday, April 2, 2012

No Politics Today

No politics today. I could go on about the effect this political climate is having on me, but suffice it to say that it is significant enough that I need periodic breaks.

No secret that I have spent some time on dating sites. Several have long lists of questions that you can answer in order to provide potential mates a clue into your personality, lifestyle and desires. You cannot see a match's answer unless you also submit an answer to that question, and vice versa. Some guys tire of this quickly, and you see one, six, fourteen questions answered. Others, like me, seem to put their hearts into it, both in hopes of revealing themselves and so that they can learn more about their matches.

I've been interested in the observation that some questions seem to draw the same answer from nearly all men-or at least the ones that are deemed "appropriate" for me by some matching algorithm from the dating gurus. For instance:

1. Almost all men answer the question "What animal would you like to be (four possible answers) with lion." I guess they want to be tough and protective and roar, but what about flying? My choice is bird.

2. Every man says "Yes" to "Would you like to have sex outdoors?" What about mosquitoes, ants and dog poop? Some of them mention the beach, but the thought of two grains of sand in my lady parts makes me writhe in agony.

3. Every man says "Yes, I'd love to date a 40 year old virgin" without asking "Why?" Only one stopped to think about what could possibly lead one to that condition.

4. All the men claim to make their beds daily, do laundry weekly, and they swear there's never more than one plate in the sink. Might I gently say "Liars!"

5. Each one says he would give up his dog for an allergic potential mate. Seriously? Who would want a man that would ditch his dog? There are plenty of good allergy medicines on the market.

6.  Every man seems to feel that if a woman has children his age, she is off limits. Sad for all those 80 year old chicks who want pre-Medicare partners.

7. None of these guys knows whether he talks in his sleep. Not one! Does this mean they've been sleeping alone all their lives?

8. None of them admits to swearing, except perhaps when they are alone.

9. They all say they are self-conscious in swimwear. Funny, I feel just fine about getting in a swimsuit.

I would caution you that this is a group of men hand-picked to be reasonably liberal, age 52-70, all ethnic origins and religions, from 5 ft to 7 ft tall. If they fall outside that range, I can't comment.

Peace. Nonpolitical peace, that is.

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