This is a Flare, Isn't It?

It may seem unlikely, but one of the problems I have with systemic lupus is that I can't always tell if I am sick. When I feel a new ache or pain, or have a day that ends in severe fatigue, or "lose" a few words in the recesses of my brain, it may simply be an ordinary day with a few inconvenient symptoms. If the symptoms persist over several days and some tell-tale iconic signs arise, I suspect it is a flare. For me those signs are painful feet, an ache in my sacroiliac joints and feeling feverish in the evening. 

Those signs are not very specific and sometimes I am still not sure if the disease is "flaring", or becoming very active. Moreover, I'm attached to my healthy time and dread being sick. 22 years of this cycle has not given me an ounce of real acceptance, only resignation and dread. Frequently this leads to some foot-dragging in acknowledging that I am sick again, and a delay starting the necessary high-dose steroids. 

Last week I noticed some symptoms, said "Here it comes," and increased my prednisone immediately. My thoughts floated above the usual anxiety and indecision. I rested when I felt the need, kept as busy as possible and focused on the coming knitting business season. Is this some kind of crazy grown-up thing? 

The coming season starts next week when I set up a display of products for sale at the new Merchants Warehouse in Chattanooga. It is home for many local makers and a few small antique sellers. It is my first opportunity in this kind of sales venue, where I rent space in a retail emporium that is open every day, staffed with lovely, welcoming people. I will be free to stay home to design and make new products, with a periodic check on my inventory. Joy! A business change that doesn't require a strong back!

Photos soon.
Peace.

Turtlefat Collection Goes Retail and I Can Write Again

The only thing that could keep me from blogging for almost two months is the need to keep a secret. Finally I can reveal what made me keep silent! Only a couple of people knew that my handknits were being considered for retail sale in a lovely Minneapolis boutique. Last week, Larues officially gave me my first order! I am thrilled beyond belief. I never thought my hats and gloves would find their way to a sweet, fashionable, modern store like Larues! My baby sister lives in Minneapolis and shops there, and she thought we'd be a good match, so she asked me to send her some samples to take in. Thanks, Dot!

Meanwhile, I had to get back into the swing of the Chattanooga Market, so I've had three days of great sales and fun there. With a limited display I can do setup and breakdown alone. I will have to endure whatever weather we have for the next few weeks, but this year the Market will have two weekends of preChristmas sales at an indoor venue! I'm going to be at Warehouse Row on the 10th and 11th of December, and again on the 17th and 18th. Hurray for working warm.

I hate to mention health right now. I am really feeling my weight. My knees hurt terribly with any walking or standing, and even sometimes when there's no weight on them. My fracture is healed by x-ray, but I still have a good bit of work to get my full motion and strength back in the right arm. I am having digestive problems and hoping it doesn't herald another episode of colitis. I've been free of it for years, and it has only occurred rarely, so I can't remember if indigestion and stomach pain preceded it before. I just remember having bloody bowel movements. I'm not anxious to have another colonoscopy but if it recurs I certainly will.

I've been looking into surgical weight loss procedures. I think I've exhausted my alternatives. I can't make my body handle the prednisone any better. I'm not making headway using a very sensible, reduced calorie diet. My exercise options have shrunk drastically. I'm ready to start seeing surgeons. (The time is now...did the Walrus say that because she had a big belly, too?)

The good good news is that I am inundated with design ideas. They are in my head multiplying all the time. I'm excited by color and texture to a ridiculous degree - a gorgeous hank of hand-dyed yarn can make me tear up. I showed some of my recent favorites. The hot pink with navy accents is Colinette Jitterbug sock yarn. The flowers are crochet. The blue/gray/tan beret is knit with Noro Silk Garden, one of my all-time favorite yarns. The combination of silk, mohair and a touch of wool always feels great to me, and I admire Noro for his perpetual production of organic yarns using innovative, ecofriendly processes. The tan scarf with the ruffled edge is organic cotton. I've had enough people tell me they don't tolerate animal fibers to convince me that it is worth making some winter hats and scarves from the bulkier, thick organic cottons like this Blue Sky undyed. The scarf pin is a hand-dyed polished wood from one of my favorite Etsy stores, South 4th. I've used a number of his beautiful pins and buttons. Just running my fingers over them is soothing.

Enough! I am running over with conversation because of my long absence. I can write more later.
Peace.

Dreary Lupus Details, or Tales from the Land of the Immunocompromised

When I began my blog 400-odd posts ago, it was my intention to relate tales from my daily life with lupus. Many other things have been discussed, but when the disease takes a turn that controls my day-to-day activities, I have to make it the headline. I'd rather be talking about the mittens I'm knitting for afghans for Afghans, or my current obsession with slouch hats, or a design in my head for a vest, or even the wild and interesting dreams I've had lately. Instead, there's this lump...

I keep a good eye on my skin, staying alert for rashes and bruises and lumps and bumps. When one is immunosupressed as I am by prednisone and rituximab, infections of the skin can come frequently and progress quickly. Anytime I see a little infected hair follicle gone wild with redness and swelling and tenderness, I take a brief course of antibiotics. Once in the past I delayed too long, and developed an infection in a closed, very painful space that had me calling my doctor out of church to lance it and put me out of my misery. I try to avoid that scenario. Last week one got by me. Midweek I noticed a painful swelling about waist-high on my back. If it had been where I could see it, or where something pressed on it, it wouldn't have gone so long. Anyway, it was maybe 1 x 1 cm and the skin over it was very red. I started antibiotics the next day when it had grown and was even redder. It took 48 hours for the antibiotic to control the swelling and redness as the infection continued to develop. It peaked at about 5 cm, exquisitely tender and squishy, indicating the pus within. It never drained. From there it shrunk every day, the redness diminished, the infected, cystic space becoming consolidated. I'm left with a 3 cm, firm nodule that must be removed, capsule and all.

Alongside all this is my scheduled rituximab treatment. I had to miss the second dose last week, as I can't take immunosupressive treatment when I have an infection. I rescheduled for this week, but I still can't go. I'm on for removal of the Big Lump Friday. I don't know what I do from here, so I've got a call in to my doc.

Okay, so the real nitty gritty. I missed knitting last week because I had a huge, fluctuant thing on my back that I was afraid would open and drain in the middle of the meeting. That is neither convenient or sexy. Or hygienic. It is stuff like this that can crop up and take control of my life. Just another piece of the lupus story.

On a much better note, grumpy post not withstanding, I received a lovely Valentine's phone call from a lovely man. Who knew?

Peace.

Almost Too Tired to Knit

When I awakened today nothing hurt. Right now, the hurt is not the point. That's not the hallmark of my flares. I've been noting flare symptoms for a few weeks, and denying them to myself, but the lupus has pulled out the heavy guns. I am tired. It's difficult to explain the fatigue from this disease. I am incredibly tired, sometimes suddenly, and without the ability to override it. Today I sat on my bed and played Scrabble on the computer for a couple hours, and sat and watched old Law and Order episodes for a few more. I did very little knitting. I was kind of limp and bleh and it seemed like it would take superhuman strength to lift my needles. This afternoon I tried to jumpstart my energy organ (which is that? spleen? thymus? appendix?) by drinking a cup of coffee and taking a second Rhodiola rosea. It worked enough for me to fix a simple dinner (scrambled eggs) and read a few articles. Now I think I can knit. I'm not going to be like this for long. Treatment is scheduled before the end of the month.

At some point this evening my television viewing changed from Law and Order to Bones. I watched several episodes before the eggs and another during. Neither brain nor stomach grumbled about the viewing of numerous scenes of "gross" anatomy. Guess I have a serious case of doctor brain. You don't want to know.
Peace.