...Like a Chicken with His Head Cut Off

You probably think I haven't blogged because I'm laying out on my deck enjoying the sun and the mild weather, but no...that's not been on my agenda. In the words of my mom, I've been running around "like a chicken with his head cut off", taking care of all the details in my life (and a few others). It's time to move, my new place is ready for us, and that necessitates contracts like the fence-building and movers, shopping for a new refrigerator, and acquisition of fancier packing supplies such as dividers for crystal glassware.
In the midst of this, there is the unceasing health care stuff. I finally saw an orthopod (oops, orthopedic surgeon) about my year-long foot pain, only to find that there's some weird process making cysts in my bone and calcifications in the soft tissue of one of my foot joints. "Probably some lupus thing," he says. I lay on a hard, narrow table and slid into the ring of the CT scanner today so that thin cross-sectional pictures could be made to further delineate the process.
Oh yeah, not just my health care stuff. I have one sister in the hospital with a stubborn kidney stone, a child with an infection, and a dog still fighting ringworm. (Yes, the dog counts! Who do you think gives her the pills and the alternate day baths with fancy medicated shampoo?)
Actually, the fact that I'm able to move through all of this without a break or paid help is great evidence that I'm a lot healthier today than I was this time last year, and not even in the same league as I was in two years ago. Recovery is all relative.
So, what's interesting now? I've missed every political health care rally planned for this area. Today I got a notice about a meeting including speakers from various health-care and political arenas. It is planned for my county by my favorite state legislator, Andy Berke, and will take place Friday, September 11. If all goes well, I will have pushed aside some of the other work (maybe even completed it!) so that I can attend. Speaking of work, lately I've had some invitations to do easy, temporary work. It's nice to still be thought of as a doctor. I knew I should keep up those continuing ed credits for something other than lingering interest.
Other interesting developments include blossoming friendships. I could not have looked at my knitting group a year ago and predicted this, but I have grown much closer to some of my knitting mates, and it is lots of fun to be learning about them on a deeper level. I should have a visit to a scary three-D movie coming up tomorrow with one of them.
I know you are holding your breath, wondering what I am knitting. After all, that has to be included under "interesting". I'm two-thirds finished with a little boy's vest, using two balls of blue and grey Lang's Mille Colori, wool 50%/acrylic 50%. That's not a mix I use commonly (acrylic production is heavy on hydrocarbon use), but I bought it on sale, it feels soft and nice, and will be easy care for some busy dad. Photos soon. I'm on my nth Beehive Hat. More photos of those soon. (My model has been busy with school.) I've got a longish list of things for a custom client, including two baby blankets and two hand towels. Both the cotton crochet baby blanket and the hand-dyed cotton baby blanket are finished, and I am happy with the completed products. Photos soon, no model required.
Altogether, a very busy time. If you see me on the street and I give a blank stare, bear with me. Insist that I take a chat break. I'll love you for it.
Peace.

Friends and Elevations

When Saturday morning comes and six or four or twelve of us are gathered around a table, knitting and talking, my thoughts inevitably turn to the topic of having friends. If there is anything in this world that makes my heart beat faster with gratitude, it is my relationships with family and friends. After a few years of isolating myself due to illness and an ill-chosen religious home, I am thrilled to be in contact with so many friends. Lately they seem to be coming out of the woodwork. I signed up for Facebook, and amazing people from my past - usually ones that I never suspected would hunt for me - have turned up and "friended" me. I've made friends at the chemotherapy suite who are still regularly checking in by email. People are stopping me in the grocery store, in restaurants, hugging me and vowing to get together. Younger family members have been calling and keeping in touch. My friendship cup runneth over.
I have grown close to my group of knitting friends, and I felt comfortable sharing with them today that I've been a bit manic lately - what a psychiatrist would label as "hypomanic". How can I tell? I am emotional - tears of joy flow very easily. I feel more religious fervor than usual. My everyday, normal-mood approach to religion is pretty dry and matter-of-fact. Today I was blasting gospel in my car and singing at the top of my voice, even entertaining the idea that I might detour and go to a church service instead of
to knitting group. I gave away a cashmere hat that I would have sold for $50 to an elderly lady at the chemo suite. Hmm. I might have done that last one under any circumstances. But you get my drift - when I am manic, my heart is open.
However, there is a downside. I may find that my opinion of something has changed completely from, say, last month, even though I felt very firm in my conviction before. I can be more irritable and short when things don't go well. I may confuse and frustrate my friends and family with my inconsistency or change of mood.
Does this need medication? Complex question. I took lithium at one time, when I was in my early thirties. The evening-out that it did affected some things that still seem surprising to me. Yes, my mood was more consistent, but I also had a more normal appetite and my music sight-reading improved. Those things were nice, but I had to give up lithium when I began some of the medications that were essential for treating lupus. At the time, there weren't good alternative medications. That has changed drastically with the introduction of a number of anti-seizure drugs which have been found to be quite effective for bipolar illness. At any rate, I have remained on antidepressants, which smooth out the other end of the spectrum and keep me from the most serious side effects of this disorder. I now recognize the occasional manic spike and can control my symptoms much more easily, as I have grown older.
What the heck?! I didn't designate this day as mental health blogging day. It has, however, been on my mind because of (1) my own change in mood and (2) the death of Senator Ted Kennedy, who championed the inclusion of mental illnesses in all health care coverage, something that has not yet been achieved. As much as I value my Medicare, it pays painfully little for me to stay in the care of a psychiatrist. The knowledge that I need an objective specialist managing that aspect of my health doesn't make it any easier to pay those giant-size bills.
So here we are, back at health care reform. No change in my opinions on this one. We need a public health care option. We need to provide health care for every single American. I missed the last rally because of joint issues. I will try my best to attend the next one.

Peace.