Back Porch Vacation

I woke this morning feeling mellow. I poured my coffee and took it out on the back porch. There I sat, barefoot, in my long black shirt, rocking in a porch chair. I watched Lu make a circuit - up the little hill, along the back fence through the bushes, down the hill by the neighbors' fence, sniffing her way along the perimeter.

I called my baby sister. "I'm on vacation." I could hear her thinking: "Vacation? And she was too broke to make it to family reunion two weeks ago?" I explained my excursion to the porch. "Oh." She was not impressed. In my mind, however, that tiny excursion was a magical journey.

I selected this house to be my "retirement home". Moreover, I chose it to be my sanctuary. It is small, built around a central room that is my lounge, office, entertaining space and kitchen. I feel the walls of this house enclosing me, making a cocoon but in a safe, cozy way, not as a jail, not claustrophobic.

My daughter has a room here. It is in use very seldom this year-less than six weeks. But for her piles of possessions and art supplies, it could be a guest room. There is one more bedroom. In my mind, it is a room of possibilities. It contains the miscellaneous craft supplies, printer, unfinished knitting projects that I haven't yet relegated to organized, efficient storage. But it also has a bed, a desk, a usable closet-the basics of personal space for an as yet unseen visitor or even a permanent companion. The possibilities room.

Here on my couch, I am surrounded by the things that make my life livable-art, books, yarn. A full rack of knives, two crockpots, fruit on the kitchen counters, with a canister of anti-bacterial wipes. Old, broken-in furniture. Homemade curtains. Peace. Perfect peace.

Peace!

Black Women Do Knit; If I Wasn't Depressed I'd Put it in Caps

Wow, I haven't posted in a while and I forgot that I changed my format. I was excited when I saw the orange swirly background. I came because I learned something today. I was fooling around on Ravelry and found Ebony Elite Sistah Friends group - a large group of primarily African-American women knitters. Yes, we do exist! More than 600 members strong, 26 pages of members, overwhelmingly sistahs, pages of tan, brown, beige, light, bright, almost-white, ebony, near-ebony women who know the joy of craft. Hallelujah. Locations include most of the states, many in the UK, a few in the Caribbean, and at least one in Ireland. Black women knit. Amen.
I looked at every photo/icon, feeling irrationally that if a woman was brown and lived in my time and knitted, I must know her. It probably seems crazy, with all the knitters I know and have as close friends, that race is anywhere in this equation. It's just that I was afraid we were not feeling the joy of this fabulous past-time/obsession/preoccupation. I didn't want it to be some elite, separate activity like tennis or golf, with just a trickle of exposure for Black women.

I am doin' more than just talking about knitting. I'm proud of the lace scarves that I've created lately. I promise photos when they finish blocking. I'm also happy with my "little" things: mostly wash cloths and makeup remover squares knit in organic, undyed cotton. They are sweet little luxuries that make me feel pampered while also saving a lot of waste (disposable makeup pads), and I hope others will feel the same. I hated the super-thin synthetic wash cloths they sold for babies when I was a new mom, and I'm going to encourage them as baby gifts, too.

I've struggled with depression this spring. Nothing seems right-the unsettled weather, the absence of my father, the illness that kept my daughter from finishing her semester, the chaos in some of my relationships...I go from painful, stiff mornings when I wonder if I can keep this up to more active afternoons when I am giddily grateful that my meds have glued me together for one more day. I automatically work to boost my mood, but that constant striving takes lots of energy and concentration. I also try to maintain a stable schedule, which means I've got to stop rambling and go to bed. Rest is a good thing.

Peace.